Wednesday, October 14, 2009


And I don't mean world peace.

I mean inner peace.

Peace that comes from acceptance in the midst of uncertainty.

Peace that comes from understanding in the midst of chaos.

Peace that comes from hope in the midst of pain.

Peace that comes form love in the midst of despair.

Peace that comes from roses in the midst of thorns.

Peace that comes from options in the midst of instability.

Peace that comes from trees in the midst of a city.

Peace that comes from bikes in the midst of cars.

Peace that comes from flowers in the midst of a desert.

Peace that comes from a smile in the midst of blank faces.

Peace that comes from Ghandi in the midst of injustice.

Peace that comes from Mother Teresa in the midst of the poor.

Peace that comes from friends in the midst of strangers.

Peace that comes from laughter in the midst of tragedy.

Peace that comes from evergreens in the midst of winter.

Peace that comes from no answers in the midst of the questions.

Peace that comes from life in the midst of death.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

New Growth

So many processes in life can be understood through nature. Or more observing nature may enlighten a life process. Right now I'm healing. The forest of my soul has been burned to the ground. It needed to be. It knows the fire was good. Fire refines.

I tried to keep wet wood. I tried to distinguish the fire. It was too hot to bear. But without it complete, my forest had half trees and even a few full trees. They all needed to come down because new growth is coming. If I let it. If I let the fire consume me and resettle my ashes.

Now I can feel the new growth coming. It's poking through the grounds of my soul. And I'm excited to see what the things poking me will become. Maybe I'll get some apple trees or a peach tree. Maybe even a few sequoia trees. I hope it is fruit. That would give my forest some color. But I'm okay with whatever my forest will look like next. I think it's going to be quite full and lush. I think it will bring life to me and those around me.

Friday, July 17, 2009

you are not clean

You've had your scrapes. you've had your bruises. and your cuts. and tears. And frayed off ends. and unmendable holes. and unintentional fringes. and broken parts with missing pieces. and burned ashes that will never be reborn. and scars that will not be hidden.

You have your marks. and there they will remain. you no longer look the same. you no longer feel the same. you can not cover them up. they are a part of you. they must go with you. you cannot wipe them off. you cannot pretend they are not there. they have created you. they have made you. they will live through you.

So stop ignoring them. stop pretending they are not there. stop pretending you are clean. stop pretending you have smooth edges and good form. acknowledge your developed shape. it fits you. it is you. it is where you've been. it is where you're going. don't let it live without you because it will still exist. and you will not fully exist without it. because it is you. and living means tearing and bleeding and fraying your ends. and never mending the same.

But that doesn't mean you've lost your beauty. it means you've lived. you're still here. you even grew while you were pooped on. despite the aroma and the flies. and the changes. don't hide your beauty. take your hands from your face. get your fingers out of your mouth. you know more now then you did before. you have felt more than you did before. you have lived more than you have before. you're still alive. so keep living.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

yes you, it's true

Don't say what you mean
mean what you say.

Don't try to be cruel
it is who you are.

Don't listen to me
cause I've got nothing to say.

Don't tell me lies
but lie to yourself.

Assume what you will
because it must be true.

Feel what you want
because it's always right.

Don't trust anybody
either way you'll be hurt.

Don't trust me
I'm just a part of everybody.

Try to be difficult
life wasn't meant to be easy.

Ruin your dreams
because they couldn't really come true.

Don't deal with it
things will work out if they are supposed to.

Make things mean more than they do
then you're life can be dramatic.

If it's too good
ruin it.

Don't say anything at all
then you can be the last honest man.

Monday, May 11, 2009


It would be nice to ignore my b. The one that takes up 25% of me. Maybe that would include an arm, a leg and a butt cheek. Or maybe an eye, an ear, and my right hand. Or the entire left side of my brain. The part that doesn't stop analyzing. Or the left ventricle of my heart. The part that has a hard time pumping. Then the pain would not be so bad when I scrape my leg or I break my heart. I would not feel it. That part would be numb.

But where would I be without my b. I would not feel like me. I would not feel your touch on my right butt cheek or analyze the way you looked at me. I would not know the joy of being loved and feel the blood pumping into me.

So, even though it hurts. It hurts quite a bit. I choose to recognize my b. I do not want to lose the joy just to put away my pain. I choose to live with my b. No matter what part of me that it may be.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I didn't need you

You made me need you.

And I did.

But I turned into an avalanche.

The more I needed you the more I collapsed.

And you were caught in it.

And you came tumbling down with me.

And then we were both at the bottom.

Buried, trying to breathe.

And now we are digging our way out.

And it's very hard.

We are so weighted down.

But we will get out.

You will survive.

I will survive.

And hopefully we will make it to the top again.

Maybe not together.

Maybe not even at the same time.

But we will both get there.

Yes, we will.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


There is no peace.
It is not within me.
It is not within you.
It is not within us.
It is not within them.
It has never been.
It will never come.

I want peace.
Peace for me.
Peace for you.
I want it in my bones.
I want it in my veins.
Pumping into me.
I want it in the air.
Breathing into me.
And then I want to breathe it out to you.
I want it for us.
I want it for them.
It does not fit.
It does not function.
It does not cooperate.
It does not know.
It is not right.
It is not satisfied.
It is not calm.
It is not okay.
It has no reason.
It has no fight.
It has no idea.
It has no clue.
It does not know where it is going.
Or if it is going anywhere.
It has no true answers.
There are no answers.
It must wonder aimlessly.
That is the point.
Where do friends meet when they're poor?
When the coffee is money
And the drinks are more.

Where do grandpas give whey they're old?
When their kids are too busy
And the distance is far.

Where do partners embrace when they're torn?
When the church is too righteous
And the public is proud.

Where do winners look when they loose?
When the camera is there
And their fans all stare.

Where do deaf men hear what you say?
When their ears are numb
And their heart is full.

Where do girls play all their games?
When their tricks are dull
And the boys have won.

Where do parents kiss when it rains?
When the kids are gone
And their love is old.


The rest of my speech will come later.

I do not want things to be formal or overdone. I want everything to be true and natural. This is probably my biggest problem. While everyone else is changing who they really are to appear to be something more, I am just who I am. And I know I am making others sounds bad, they are really just bettering themselves. But I want to see people raw. I want to see them with their hair done naturally and their talents without practice. So when I could look better or more appealing, I choose not to because I do not feel that it is truly me. It is ridiculous, but I cannot get out of that mindset.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Consequences of Being an Uninformed Shopper

This post is the start of a series of information from a speech I gave for a class last year. (It still remains in the speech format)

Sixty-nine percent of you (my class) said you relatively do not know where the products you buy come from. You may know that you bought that banana at Wal-Mart, or that shirt from Express, but you have no idea who made it or who worked in the fields or for how much.
Even a popular clothing store, The Gap, in 2004 admitted to widespread problems - from unsafe machinery to child labor violations - in the thousands of factories it uses around the world to produce clothing (Teather). Today I would like to share with you the issue of passive consumerism and how through our multiple purchases, things like child labor, under pay, and adverse working conditions go unnamed.

Surprisingly child labor still exists in the world today. An estimated 211 million children between the ages of 5 and 14 are working around the world according to the International Labor Organization (Batstone). An article in USA Today, reported a discovery of children as young as 10 sewing clothes for clothing retailer Gap Inc. in a New Delhi factory (India). Children working at such young ages mean that they are not being educated, ruining their future to get a better job. Not only are they working, but The Child Rights Information Network states that 126 million children from the ages 5 to 17 work in hazardous conditions (Child).

Not only are children forced to work, but also the entirety of the work force is being affected negatively. Much of this is due to the fact that we want things cheap causing those providing all of our stuff to get paid cheaply. Also due to lack of funding or care, working conditions are harsh. Companies like Wal-Mart supply many resources. This means that many workers are paid up to 30 percent below their country's legal minimum wage (Creating). We know that when companies outsource they are able to pay workers less because the country’s standard of living is much less. Yet many companies are not even paying to match the country’s standard of living.
Workers also are forced to work long hours; often 16 to 18 hours a day and do not get paid over time (Creating).
Women are not only underpaid, but in many cases paid less than men. They also deal with sexual harassment in the workplace, and workplace-related sexual violence (Rights).
According to the International Labor Rights Forum under its Wal-Mart Campaign they state that, “the health clinics that many countries require their factories to have often do not exist and workers are not provided with basic safety equipment, such as dust masks (Creating)”. In many factories, workers are required to have a pass or a permit to go for a timed bathroom break.

There is a problem and we are all a part of it. We all consume. Simply being an American most likely means that we consume a lot. Being human means we like things to be cheap. This desire for many cheap goods has helped child labor thrive, drove workers’ pay down, and taken the time away for regulations that ensure healthy working conditions. We unknowingly support this with our daily purchases.

Works Cited
Batstone, David. "Stop Child Labor - Cocoa Campaign." International Labor Rights Forum. 11 Apr. 2008. Child Labor. 12 Apr. 2008 .
"Child Labour." Child Rights Information Network. 2008. CRIN. 6 Apr. 2008 .
"Creating a Sweat Free World - Wal-Mart Campaign." International Labor Rights Forum. 2007. Labor. 2 Apr. 2008 .
"India Activists Decry Gap Child Labor." USA Today. 2007. News. 1 Apr. 2008 .
"Rights for Working Women." International Labor Rights Forum. 2007. Labor. 9 Apr. 2008 .
Teather, David. "Gap Admits to Child Labour Violations in Outsource Factories." The Guardian. 13 May 2004. News. 2 Apr. 2008 .

(The next post will have some solutions to this problem.... sorry this is not written like a paper format... pretend you're hearing a speech :)

Friday, March 13, 2009


Lives ruined by the cruelty of others.
The selfishness and the greed. The carelessness and the numbness. The pleasure and the thoughtlessness.
Power tricks people into thinking anything they do is okay because it is available for them to do. So they do.
And it is okay.

But it is not okay.

Everyone around them is missing something. Missing their wife. or their son. or their neighbor. or their leg. or their eye. or their house. or their food. or their hope. or their happiness. or their future.

I have not lost these things.
But I am lost.

I want to be selfless and giving. I want to be careful, but be free. and to be penetrated. I want to know and to reason. And to not have power so that I cannot be tricked. And to not have access to things I may do if only there were available.

The Mess

It seems as if we are all here cleaning up the mess we have made.

Some make the mess, others organize it, and others actually get rid of it.

The organizers sort through it; measuring it, processing it, condensing it, separating it, dividing all its parts until they understand it.
But it is still there. It is not gone.
The clutter is gone, but the dirt still remains.
And they are not in the mess.
They are not part of the mess.
They are overlooking the mess. Trying not to let it actually touch them. to not let it contaminate them.

Others are in the mess.
They are dirty. They are not clean.
They are far from safe.
Yet they are touching it.
They are feeling it.
They are letting it understand them.

And they are changing it.


It's too good.
And then it's too bad.
I want this. and I do get this, but I also get that.
But I don't want that. but it comes with this.
I can't get this without that.
So if I want this. i have to get that.


For some reason pain is such a deep producer of beauty. I think because it is penetrating. I can feel pain in every beat of my heart. My heart feels so heavy. Like every beat is punching my life down and down and down into the deep spaces of hopelessness. And not having hope is one of the hardest feelings to cope with.

After being punched for a while, if I have not been knocked down completely, I do whatever I can to lighten the beating. I try to release it in any way possible. My way is to create. Anything, anything, that means something. Then maybe the beat will rise me up instead of weigh me down and with that rise, so will hope. And hope is a beautiful feeling.


My body tries to leave its soul for a moment. I try to let them part ways so I do not actually feel that silent pain. That pain that consumes all parts of my body and almost shuts it down.

A Friend

I just wanted a friend. A remarkable friend. An endearing friend. And then to my surprise I got a more than friend. And then I got an ignoring friend. And I was left with a no friend. A seemingly I never knew you friend. And I still have not recovered.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Go Green

go green.
and blue and yellow.
and maybe orange and purple too.
and don't forget black and brown.

become that.
become this.
but don't become it.

come here.
go there.
but don't go everywhere.

forget this.
forget that.
but don't forget me.

be here.
be there.
be everywhere.
in me.
in you.
in everyone.

clap your hands.
stomp your feet.
jump around.
and don't forget to skip.
maybe hop too.

wrinkle your nose when you smile.
cry when you laugh.
shiver when you are cold.
and wear sweaters too.

feel everything.
feel joy.
but feel pain too.
feel alive.
and feel free.
feel deep.
feel wide.
feel high.
feel low.
feel me.