Wednesday, November 9, 2011

the day my friend died but I didn't know it yet

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

This is perfect. Watching the sunset in Brown County State Park with Heidi and Winnie and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. It is cool and crisp, like fall and we can see the canopy of trees and it makes me want to stay in the forest. Maybe I'll work in the forest, be a part of the DNR, I just love being in nature so much. It's so nice to have a day off and spontaneously go to the woods. Go to the trees which give me oxygen, give me a fresh breath each time I visit them. It leaves me a little more profound and transcends my thoughts into a new awakening. I no longer care about my responsibilities, my stressors, my worries. There is no time for that. I don't need to worry about me. If all else fails, I can always find the trees. I can always find the sun. They remain. And I can find colors. Shades of blue and orange. And contrasts. The contrasts when it's dusk and the trees are so dark compared to the glowing background of the sun setting. Or the contrast of the clouds against their glowing backdrop. I am being reborn. I am being penetrated by the glory of the trees. I don't even want to write about my life. This is my life right now. I am peace. I am quiet. I am still. I am alive. And I cannot help but over dramatize my existence with I am in nature. I am too in awe of my surroundings to have a better response. Woa is me to exist in this place. Nature does what it wants, trees just grow, insects are already in place, the sun always sets, and the sun always rises. I don't have any control over any of this. It happens without my thoughts or with my thoughts. Things come alive and things go to die and the sun still sets and rises and the trees still grow. And the life that prevails is just that, prevailing, somehow until it passes with the setting sun and doesn't arise with the morning sun. And somehow I have come to be in this point in time. And I don't know why. And I don't know for how long or if I'll even always like my time here or if it will be worth it. But maybe then it's not a matter of worth, I'd either be here or no where, so at least I get to be somewhere. And so I'm glad I'm here. And I'm even glad to say I'm here, here. Meaning here in this spot, in an Indiana state park with my roommate and her dog, in the mostly dark condition. With only a slight orange glow illuminating behind the trees. With deep purple clouds, making complimentary colors with the deep orange red sky. oh my.

the end.