Conflicting

I want beauty
but I see pain.

I want goodness
but I see dark.

I want freedom
but I see anxieties.

I want meaning
but I see fake.

I want truth
but I see lies.

I want fairness
but I see cheap.

I want relaxed
but I see worries.

I want keepers
but I see ditches.

I want alone
but I see people.

I want happiness
but I am overwhelmed with sadness.

I read through my journal and liked this

You do this.
I do that.
You have been here.
I have been there.
You learn your language.
I learn my language.
You walk your way.
I walk my way.
You see through your eyes.
I see through my eyes.
We see the same thing but not in the same way.
I am not sure how to see it.

Do I look for the beauty? Do I look for the pain? Do I look for color? Do I look for the absence of light? Do I see it naked? Do I see it raw? Do I see it with glazed eyes? Do I see it made up? Do I see it covered up? Do I see it glowing? Do I see it free flowing? Do I see it empty? Do I see it full? Do I see it big? Do I see it small? Do I see a change? Do I see its lies? Do I see its truths? Do I see the blemishes? Do I see the lines? And the curves? And the wrinkles? And the holes? And everything that is not there?
Do I see it with someone else's eyes?
Or can I only see it from my own?

Do I see what you do not see?

And you see what I cannot see?

I do not know.
But I do not think we see the same thing.

Finally

It's been a while. I want to write more in here. I am on a journey of recovery. To remember what I love and write about what I love. I love to write. And analyze and understand. I hope this helps.