Peace.

And I don't mean world peace.

I mean inner peace.

Peace that comes from acceptance in the midst of uncertainty.

Peace that comes from understanding in the midst of chaos.

Peace that comes from hope in the midst of pain.

Peace that comes form love in the midst of despair.

Peace that comes from roses in the midst of thorns.

Peace that comes from options in the midst of instability.

Peace that comes from trees in the midst of a city.

Peace that comes from bikes in the midst of cars.

Peace that comes from flowers in the midst of a desert.

Peace that comes from a smile in the midst of blank faces.

Peace that comes from Ghandi in the midst of injustice.

Peace that comes from Mother Teresa in the midst of the poor.

Peace that comes from friends in the midst of strangers.

Peace that comes from laughter in the midst of tragedy.

Peace that comes from evergreens in the midst of winter.

Peace that comes from no answers in the midst of the questions.

Peace that comes from life in the midst of death.

New Growth

So many processes in life can be understood through nature. Or more observing nature may enlighten a life process. Right now I'm healing. The forest of my soul has been burned to the ground. It needed to be. It knows the fire was good. Fire refines.

I tried to keep wet wood. I tried to distinguish the fire. It was too hot to bear. But without it complete, my forest had half trees and even a few full trees. They all needed to come down because new growth is coming. If I let it. If I let the fire consume me and resettle my ashes.

Now I can feel the new growth coming. It's poking through the grounds of my soul. And I'm excited to see what the things poking me will become. Maybe I'll get some apple trees or a peach tree. Maybe even a few sequoia trees. I hope it is fruit. That would give my forest some color. But I'm okay with whatever my forest will look like next. I think it's going to be quite full and lush. I think it will bring life to me and those around me.

you are not clean

You've had your scrapes. you've had your bruises. and your cuts. and tears. And frayed off ends. and unmendable holes. and unintentional fringes. and broken parts with missing pieces. and burned ashes that will never be reborn. and scars that will not be hidden.

You have your marks. and there they will remain. you no longer look the same. you no longer feel the same. you can not cover them up. they are a part of you. they must go with you. you cannot wipe them off. you cannot pretend they are not there. they have created you. they have made you. they will live through you.

So stop ignoring them. stop pretending they are not there. stop pretending you are clean. stop pretending you have smooth edges and good form. acknowledge your developed shape. it fits you. it is you. it is where you've been. it is where you're going. don't let it live without you because it will still exist. and you will not fully exist without it. because it is you. and living means tearing and bleeding and fraying your ends. and never mending the same.

But that doesn't mean you've lost your beauty. it means you've lived. you're still here. you even grew while you were pooped on. despite the aroma and the flies. and the changes. don't hide your beauty. take your hands from your face. get your fingers out of your mouth. you know more now then you did before. you have felt more than you did before. you have lived more than you have before. you're still alive. so keep living.

yes you, it's true

Don't say what you mean
mean what you say.

Don't try to be cruel
it is who you are.

Don't listen to me
cause I've got nothing to say.

Don't tell me lies
but lie to yourself.

Assume what you will
because it must be true.

Feel what you want
because it's always right.

Don't trust anybody
either way you'll be hurt.

Don't trust me
I'm just a part of everybody.

Try to be difficult
life wasn't meant to be easy.

Ruin your dreams
because they couldn't really come true.

Don't deal with it
things will work out if they are supposed to.

Make things mean more than they do
then you're life can be dramatic.

If it's too good
ruin it.

Don't say anything at all
then you can be the last honest man.

Numb

It would be nice to ignore my b. The one that takes up 25% of me. Maybe that would include an arm, a leg and a butt cheek. Or maybe an eye, an ear, and my right hand. Or the entire left side of my brain. The part that doesn't stop analyzing. Or the left ventricle of my heart. The part that has a hard time pumping. Then the pain would not be so bad when I scrape my leg or I break my heart. I would not feel it. That part would be numb.

But where would I be without my b. I would not feel like me. I would not feel your touch on my right butt cheek or analyze the way you looked at me. I would not know the joy of being loved and feel the blood pumping into me.

So, even though it hurts. It hurts quite a bit. I choose to recognize my b. I do not want to lose the joy just to put away my pain. I choose to live with my b. No matter what part of me that it may be.

I didn't need you

You made me need you.

And I did.

But I turned into an avalanche.

The more I needed you the more I collapsed.

And you were caught in it.

And you came tumbling down with me.

And then we were both at the bottom.

Buried, trying to breathe.

And now we are digging our way out.

And it's very hard.

We are so weighted down.

But we will get out.

You will survive.

I will survive.

And hopefully we will make it to the top again.

Maybe not together.

Maybe not even at the same time.

But we will both get there.

Yes, we will.

Peace

There is no peace.
It is not within me.
It is not within you.
It is not within us.
It is not within them.
It has never been.
It will never come.


I want peace.
Peace for me.
Peace for you.
I want it in my bones.
I want it in my veins.
Pumping into me.
I want it in the air.
Breathing into me.
And then I want to breathe it out to you.
I want it for us.
I want it for them.